When Safety Feels Like Betrayal: Why Kids Sometimes Blame the Parent Who Saved Them

When a parent decides to flee an abusive situation, they’re making one of the most courageous decisions of their life. But what often gets overlooked is the cost of that decision—not just for the adult, but for their children.

At Paw in Hand Project, we’ve started tracking how many of the individuals reaching out for help have children with them. This year alone, 15 of the pet owners we’ve supported also had minors in their care when they contacted us. And while every case is unique, one thing remains consistent: children are deeply impacted when a family is forced to leave a pet behind.

For many children, a pet isn’t “just a dog” or “just a cat.” It’s their best friend - their comfort during hard times. Imagine this: A child is uprooted from their home, forced to leave most of their belongings, their school, their friends—and on top of that, they're told they can’t bring their pet. That pet may have been their source of emotional support, their sense of normalcy. Losing them can feel like losing everything.

To make things even more complicated, children in abusive households often carry deep, conflicting emotions. It's not uncommon for them to resent the parent who leaves with them—the one who is technically the “victim.” Why? Because that parent becomes associated with the disruption of their lives. Meanwhile, the abusive parent may still be idealized, especially if they didn’t remove the child from everything familiar. In many cases, the abusive parent has also actively worked to turn the children against the other parent. And because children can’t fully understand the dynamics of abuse, their perceptions are shaped by confusion, fear, and loyalty to the familiar—even when that familiar is harmful.

Now add the heartbreak of losing a pet to that emotional storm. The child may not fully understand the safety risks or the reasons why leaving was necessary—but they will absolutely understand the loss of their pet. In some cases, that becomes one more reason to direct their pain and anger toward the protective parent.

This is just another reason why our work matters so deeply.

At Paw in Hand, we don’t just house pets—we protect relationships, ease trauma, and help preserve one of the few sources of comfort children may still have during an incredibly difficult time. When we provide a safe place for a family’s pet, we’re not just offering logistical support—we’re protecting emotional stability for everyone involved, especially the kids.

Our mission is simple: no one should have to choose between their safety and their pet. And no child should have to say goodbye to their best friend just because their parent chose to survive.